The girls absolutely love it. Nothing can bring the girls flocking towards you quite like a giant yellow bruise on your distended beer gut. Unless, of course, you’re lucky enough to get a point-blank shot to the face. Then you’ll be knee-deep in women for at least until the swelling goes down.

I have my next paintballing trip booked already. Book yours!

After all, the husband-to-be can’t very well exercise any of his other instincts on the night and expect to get away with it. Nope, he’ll have to get his jollies from showering his mates with balls of coloured paint instead.

Fully grown men playing army in a little forest… It’s such a life-affirming image to conjure up isn’t it?

First of all, I’d like to limit the other people on the beach to a couple of good mates and several attractive young women, none of whom are too much of the Jack Wills persuasion.

Secondly, the presence of children has to strictly forbidden. I don’t want to lie down in the sand only to rise with a half eaten lolly stuck to my cheek. Neither does the idea of wee-ridden waves festering in the summer sun appeal all that much.

In fact, the beach is at its best at night, when the girls come down with their sunkissed tresses and the rum starts to flow and the barbecues are blazing. Now that’s a summertime activity I don’t getting involved in.

Come July there’ll be floods, so you’ve got hurry up and get yourself straight out onto the paintball course, followed by a trip to Alton Towers, rapidly followed by several trips to the beach, not forgetting to stop for a few cremated sausages every night off your charcoal-encrusted barbecue.

In fact, I might pour myself a Pimm’s right now. I haven’t got any cucumber though. Do you reckon a gherkin would do the trick?

Well, it wasn’t just entertainment. Any paintball attendant will tell you when you get to the course that if you don’t want to end up like PJ (presumably having hits like ‘Let’s Get Ready to Rumble’ forever associated with your name), then you must never, ever, ever take your goggles off when you’re on the course. You never know when some paintball-wielding maniac is going to unload a cartridge into your face, so keep those eyes covered.

It’s great to do something a little different that gets you out of the house and mixes things up a bit.

Paintballing is a lot of fun and anyone can join in. It’s physical, tense, exciting and gives you something great to chat about at the pub the next day.

• Gun: Your paintball gun is also known as a marker. This will have an ammunition compartment and compressed air bottle for shooting.
• Ammo: Your ammunition is obviously your paintballs. When you play you will probably get a number of paintballs free. The rest you will pay for as extras depending on how much shooting you reckon you’ll do.
• Mask: You can’t play without a mask. Your eyes, ears, mouth and nostrils need to be covered so that they aren’t affected by the paint in the balls or impacts.

Paintballing is fast becoming a stag do favourite. What better way to wish your mate a happy marriage than to gang up on him on the paintball course? The beleaguered husband-to-be is sure to be grateful for the weekend if you start the proceedings with a healthy smattering of bruises.

Check out the places that provide paintballing near you in preparation.

Than again, if none of that seems quite extreme enough then why not follow the example of native American James Holt and trade your tennis racquet for an alligator. Holt is trying to open up alligator wrestling into a freestyle extreme sport.

It remains to be seen whether Holt, whose family have wrestled alligators for years, will have any success in his venture amid allegations of animal cruelty and blood sport.

Split your group up into teams and then concentrate on covering them with as much paint as you can, singling out the ones you feel deserve most. Of course, the true aim of the game is to attack your opposition with a view to getting into their base, but if you want to get creative, then you might as well.